More movie, more meme
Feb. 12th, 2012 12:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lunasarielOn Friday, M and I went to go see Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy at the same ridiculously awesome theater where I went to see The Woman in Black the previous week. We didn't get the same room, this time, though. Instead of hieroglyphics on the walls and stars on the celing, the walls and ceiling were comparatively plain, but instead of usual movie theater seats, there was a combination of big comfy armchairs, big comfy loveseats, and big comfy beanbag chairs. Yes, it was an option to watch our movie while ensconced in beanbag chairs. We didn't, for fear of getting too comfortable and falling asleep, but the mere fact that we had that option is amazing.
As for the movie itself...this review will actually contain relatively few spoilers, because by the end of the movie, neither M nor I really knew what was going on. Our post-movie discussion basically went like this:
Me: "So, wait. Why was that one guy sad about the guy who was dead? Was it because he screwed up the thing in Russia?"
M: "I thought that was in Hungary. Wasn't Russia where the blonde guy went, and then there was that girl? What happened to her, anyway? Didn't she get killed or something?"
Me: "Wait, that was her who got killed? I thought that was the other girl!"
M: "Yeah, maybe it was. I don't even know. Why was the guy with the glasses eating mints? Why did the camera make such a big deal about that?"
Me: "Was that when everybody was going into the house, and then they messed around with the spinny thing, then they all came out again, except for whatshisname and the other guy?"
M: "Yeah, I think so. What was the deal with the spinny thing, anyway? Didn't whatshername say it was a code or something?"
Me: "Beats the hell out of me. Why was the other blonde guy running around with a gun during that scene? He didn't even do anything!"
M: "I know! Was he supposed to be Soldier?"
Me: "No, I think the balding guy was supposed to be Soldier."
M: "Half of them are balding!"
Me: "Yeah, and they all wear suits and have, like, three codenames! I couldn't tell any of them apart!"
M: "...Benedict Cumberbatch looks hot in a suit. He should wear them more often."
Me: "Yeah."
The great thing about this move is, though, that it's good despite the confusion. There's the kind of confusion that I got when I started reading Dragaera when I'm not making the required leaps of logic, or remembering all the little plot details that turn out to be crucial, or keeping all the characters and their multiple allegiances straight, and the plot doesn't give me any time to catch up, but just rushes on, piling confusion on top of confusion, which makes me feel stupid (never a good feeling), and ends up pissing me off and alienating me. But then there's this kind of confusion where I still care about the characters, even if I can only identify them as "the blonde guy" or "the guy who everyone thinks is a double agent," and the fact that I have only the faintest idea of who's trying to kill who, and why doesn't make me any less invested in the story. Both kinds of confusion disappear with familiarity, of course, but I'm always pleasantly surprised when I'm afraid of experiencing the former type, but end up with the latter. And, of course, when the former type gets resolved, as in Dragaera's case, the confusion lessens considerably as time went on, and on re-reads, I'll probably enjoy the complexity all the more for being able to see how everything is done.
When I read the premise, which basically boils down to "British spy movie set in the 70s, full of famous people and double-crossing," I thought it would be just another James Bond remake, but thankfully, it wasn't. It really, really wasn't. This was actually something that M and I both noticed, and I don't know about her, but the change was refreshing for me. No explosions, car chases, gunfights, sexy superspies (unless you count Benedict Cumberbatch or that Russian girl who was in the move for, like, five minutes), gadgets, sneering villains with ambiguous European accents and legions of dim-witted henchmen, death traps, nothing like that. In fact, a lot of my favorite moments from TTSS are the quiet ones, where you learn a lot more from what isn't being said than what is. A good portion of the story is told through significant glances and facial expressions, which might be a bit jarring for moviegoers more used to spy movies with a car chase, a sex scene, and three murders in the first 10 minutes, but the slower pace here allowed for some real tension to build, and did it in a much more subtle way than I was expecting. Of course, it also helped that the slow pace lets the audience try to keep up with the complex plot, and in fact allowed for more plot elements to be introduced, when there wouldn't have been room for them in a flashier movie. So good on them for that!
When I say that I like Gary Oldman as an actor but hate his portrayal of Sirius Black, it often comes off as me trying to soften an unpopular opinion (that Gary is a bad actor, I mean, not that his portrayal of Sirius was bad) by waffling. But then he's in things like TTSS, and this is what I mean when I say that I like him as an actor. When he's allowed to be stoic and reserved and quietly efficient, he's great. As Smiley, he comes off as appropriately grave and dignified, but as Sirius, he just lacked energy, seeming glum and resigned, instead of pulling off the charisma and dangerous mania that I enjoyed so much in the books.
Of course, Gary Oldman wasn't the only good casting choice made. I'm afraid that I'm not familiar with the books, so my opinions of various actors is based solely on what I saw here and what I've seen of them in the past. Benedict Cumberbatch (who was actually kinda the reason we went to go see TTSS) was an odd choice, but ultimately a justified one. Coming hot off of Sherlock and the announcement of his casting as Smaug in The Hobbit, I expected to see a lot more sarcasm and ego from his character, and a lot less nervousness. His part wasn't huge, so it took me a while to figure out that he was playing a quiet, romantic idealist who tries to get along with everyone, and anyone with even a passing familiarity with any version of Sherlock Holmes should know why an actor previously most famous for playing the Great Detective now playing someone who can be described as "a quiet, romantic idealist who tries to get along with everyone" made me lol. Colin Firth was a lot of fun as an entitled, slightly slimy upper-management type. As it turns out, his relationship and/or lack thereof with the spy whose betrayal sets up the main plot of the movie turns out to be a fairly central element, but this was one of those confusing things that I needed Wikipedia's help to fully suss out. I'm fairly sure Toby Jones' character was set up as a red herring, but then again, this *is* a spy movie, so technically every character is a red herring. Cíaran Hinds, who I also saw last week in The Woman in Black, made less of an impression, but there were about three times as many characters in TTSS as TWiB, and the plot was as many times as dense, so I hardly blame him for that. He did kind of end up with not an awful lot to do, though, which is a shame. Tom Hardy seemed to have wandered in from another movie altogether. Namely, the James Bond-esque shoot-em-up mentioned above, what with the sexy Russian femme fatale double agent, doomed romance with same, S&M club, hooker assassins, sports cars, and eeeeevil Soviets. The contrast between his "sleep with this gorgeous blonde spy
So it may sound like I bitch a lot about the confusion et al, but I really did like it. Even when I was kind of adrift, understanding-wise, I still cared about the characters and whatever it was they were all doing to each other. For example, we never fully saw Smiley's wife's face, but we hated her for sleeping around and breaking poor Smiley's heart all the same, especially when Smiley was so resigned and stoic on the surface, but still managed to convey a sense of grief. The best part is, he does this almost entirely without words! Little things like the look on his face when he sorted his mail from hers, or the fact that the one big, extravagant emotional moment he had in the entire movie was the shock and heartbreak on his face when he saw her making out with someone else. Similarly, Guillam and his boyfriend got, like, one scene together, but that one scene really punched me in the gut, especially because Benedict never really has a chance to cry on Sherlock, so seeing him so broken-down here was an unexpectedly moving and slightly discomfiting experience, as I think it was meant to be. In my headcanon (yes, I already have headcanon for a movie I've seen once based on a book I've never read. Shaddup.), they get back together in the end. I mean, if Smiley can to get back together with his wife, who it's made very clear doesn't deserve him, then Guillam should be able to get back together with his boyfriend, who, various interviewees assure us, he actually loved.
You guys know the drill by now: randomized life/fandom blathering, followed by a character meme! It turns out that I made a couple of errors when picking characters for this meme, and didn’t catch them until I started filling it out, at which point it was too late to change anything. First, I broke my “alternating male/female/male/female/etc.” rule, which I like to do to ensure gender equity. Second, I broke my “no two characters from the same series” rule, which I put in place just to get some variety in my results. I think it turned out okay, though, so I’m keeping it as is.
1. Princess Leia (Star Wars)
2. Rubeus Hagrid (Harry Potter)
3. Kate “Hawkeye” Bishop (Young Avengers)
4. Bilbo Baggins (The Hobbit/The Lord of the Rings)
5. Cersei Lannister (A Song of Ice and Fire)
6. D.I. Greg Lestrade (Sherlock)
7. Emily Roland (Temeraire)
8. Inara Serra (Firefly)
9. Cornelius “Corny” Stone (Modern Tales of Faerie)
10. Toshiko “Tosh” Sato (Torchwood)
11. The 11th Doctor (Doctor Who)
12. Gytha “Nanny” Ogg (Discworld)
13. Mustrum Ridcully (Discworld)
14. Anathema Device (Good Omens)
15. Sam Winchester (Supernatural)
1) 13 (Ridcully), 14 (Anathema), and 5 (Cersei) are chosen by a prophecy to save the world from 8 (Inara). Do they succeed?
Ooh, evil!Inara is an interesting idea, in a Cersei-ish kind of way! Her plan would be to sell Simon and River back to the Alliance, but then use the knowledge of the secret project that created River as blackmail material to make them follow her orders. Anathema would have received the prophecy from The Further Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, which keeps turning up, even though she really, really doesn’t want it to. It would demand a “Fair Man, foul-looking” and a “Foul Woman, fair-looking” to round the numbers out to three, so Anathema would get ahold of the likeable but disreputable-looking Ridcully and (reluctantly) the Bitch Queen herself, Cersei. Ridcully would go along as their big gun, but in the delicate world of interplanetary intrigue, would be relegated to protecting Anathema and Cersei from Alliance goons. Cersei would really empathize with evil!Inara, who went Dark Side because she was sick of taking crap for her profession and wanted to prove that she was more than just the sum of her extremely attractive parts, and leave Anathema and Ridcully to join her. However, this would ironically be what brings Inara back to the good guys. Exactly, of course, as Agnes intended, Inara would see how desperately unhappy and lonely Cersei is, despite her (tenuous) political power, and would either go straight back to Serenity and her real friends, or to Shepherd Book’s abbey or somewhere similar for some meditative penance, depending on how much damage she’d actually caused.
2) Under what circumstances might 11 (The Doctor) and 4 (Bilbo) fall in love?
Um…the Doctor would probably get warm fuzzy feelings when he found out that Bilbo carried around the ultimate symbol of evil in Middle-Earth and not only resisted its corruption, but managed to do a fair amount of good with it, as this feeds into the whole “triumph of good over evil” thing that the Doctor has. Bilbo might be a bit tougher, since I can’t really see him as much of a romantic, but once the two of them had gone on a few hair-raising adventures together, I guess I could see them falling for each other, in a platonic kind of way.
3) Which character on the list would you most want on your side in a zombie invasion?
The Doctor, although Sam (who would definitely be able to keep his head in the face of a paranormal threat) and Kate (who is great at headshots and also keeps her head in a crisis) are tied for a close second. The Doctor, with his optimism, experience with massive threats to humanity, and time-travelling spaceship wins out, though.
4) 12 (Nanny Ogg), 3 (Kate), 10 (Tosh), and 7 (Emily) are having a quiet drink together. Which one gets the glass with the poison in it, and who put it there?
Oddly enough, Kate would have probably put it there. Poison isn’t quite Nanny Ogg’s style (neither is killing, come to think of it, especially of children), Tosh either wouldn’t know how or would fudge it up hopelessly, and it just wouldn’t occur to Emily, but if Kate really thought that the fate of the universe or something depended on it, I could see her poisoning someone. And it would probably end up in Tosh’s glass, what with her being convicted of building sonic death rays, released from prison under suspicious circumstances, and now working for a shadowy quasi-government agency with an appallingly high body count. Since the whole organization would fall apart without her technological know-how, I could see Kate deciding that she has to be killed to save the world.
5) 2 (Hagrid), 9 (Corny), and 6 (Lestrade) have a hair-off. Who wins?
Hagrid for quantity, Lestrade the silver fox for quality. Corny, who still has that gross mullet, is disqualified on sight.
6) 15 (Sam) and 1 (Leia) are planning a surprise birthday party for 5 (Cersei). What will the theme be, which other three people on the list will they invite, and what presents will they each bring for 5?
The theme will be “Defying Destiny,” and will be basically a big intervention, because Sam has decided that the best way to stop her doing harm is to support her so that she won’t be afraid of the Valonqar and, hopefully, will stop her paranoid overreactions. Leia isn’t totally against this idea, but, quite rightly, her opinion of its chances of success aren’t high.
They would invite Emily (a quasi-literal poster child for female power in a patriarchal society), Inara (who, as I’ve said, Cersei would actually get along pretty well with, and would definitely empathize with), and Anathema (who would definitely be able to help with the whole “prophecy” thing).
Sam, in his earnestly unhelpful way, gets Cersei a self-help book and a month’s worth of therapy, both of which she ignores completely. Leia gives her jewelry or something, since the two of them at an event together is technically a State occasion, but secretly slips directions to a hidden room in the Red Keep that Leia had built, and that contains a punching bag, a laser that deactivates if taken out of the room, and a target for practice, all for stress relief. Emily would give her a finely engraved sword with a lion’s-head hilt or something, which Cersei would be secretly touched by. Inara would give her a Companion’s Handbook, full of useful tips and tricks. Anathema would chip in for the punching bag room and offer some really good advice, but said advice would be ignored even more than Sam’s gifts, which Anathema would probably know in advance, so she’d probably be just shrug fatalistically and make a mental note to ask Aziraphale to try something.
7) 10 (Tosh) and 9 (Corny) are trapped on an island with dinosaurs, but 6 (Lestrade) might be able to save them! What's the plan to escape and why would 15 (Sam) not want them to succeed?
Tosh and Corny would be too busy geeking out over OMGWTF DINOSAURS!!!1!! to effectively take care of themselves, but Tosh would at least have the presence of mind to call Torchwood for an evacuation. However, Torchwood no longer has the kind of hardware necessary for an overseas journey like this, and farms it out to the Metropolitan Police, who send a helicopter or something, of which Lestrade is in charge. Sam, however, had Castiel teleport Tosh and Corny onto the island in the first place because they discovered that Sam is one of the Special Children, and so partially demonic/otherworldly in nature, and Tosh (read: scary Torchwood) wants to
8) 7 (Emily) and 3 (Kate) meet for lunch - love-in or epic fight?
Oh, total love-in! They’re both strong women impatient with rigid, confining gender roles, they’re both dating angry black men who face discrimination because of their race, they both wield or will wield enormous (inherited) power, and they’re both just generally all-around badasses. After lunch, they head back to the covert, where Kate snaps some pictures of the dragons for her geeky friends and Emily introduces her to Jane, who takes her under her wing and makes up for the strong female role model/mother figure that Kate lacks, and the three of them would form a little BFF family.
9) 8 (Inara), 13 (Ridcully), 4 (Bilbo), and 1 (Leia) are drifting at sea in a lifeboat hundreds of miles from land, with no food and little hope. Which of them suggests, on the umpteenth day, that they should eat one of their number? Who resists the idea most tenaciously? And which one of them, should things pan out that way, ends up as lunch?
Although Ridcully and Bilbo are famous for their love of food, I think it would be the ever-pragmatic Leia who suggests cannibalism. And Inara would eventually end up being eaten, because, while Ridcully and Bilbo would eventually be brought around, Inara wouldn’t be able to get the Reavers out of her head, and would choose to sacrifice herself.
10) 11 (The Doctor), 14 (Anathema), and 12 (Nanny Ogg) form a study group. How does it go, who (if anyone) does most of the work, and who is most prone to getting distracted and throwing spitwads around or juggling crumpled balls of paper etc.?
Wow, this would be both the most useless and the most awesome study group ever. The Doctor wouldn't be able to sit still for five seconds, unless the subject was something he was already interested in, in which case he would just throw himself into learning about it and ignore everyone else completely. Nanny just wouldn’t care. She’s not the book learning type, and if passing the class was somehow important, she would figure that she could just shag the professor and/or cheat off of someone else. Anathema would be a good, diligent, methodical student, and draw up schedules and outlines and whatnot, but the Doctor’s and Nanny’s complete and utter lack of effort would begin to wear on her, and eventually she would storm out and let everyone else do what they will.
11) 2 (Hagrid), 1 (Leia), and 14 (Anathema) have to save the word from 4 (Bilbo). How doomed are we?
Um…not too bad, I think. Hagrid has some degree of magical ability, Leia is fairly agile and trained in combat and tactics, and Anathema is at least good at guessing, but if Bilbo, which, combined, gives them rather an edge, but if Bilbo were to truly fall to the One Ring, we might be in some trouble. Their combined talents would probably be up to catching him if he went invisible, and they would certainly be able to subdue him physically, but if he kept his turn to the Dark Side secret and just worked on convincing everybody that he was still just funny, harmless old Mr. Baggins, then we might be in some trouble.
12) 13 (Ridcully) decides to seduce 12 (Nanny Ogg). How doomed is 13?
Not so much doomed as in for a hell of a time, because Nanny wouldn’t take much seducing, and has a lifetime’s worth of stuff to teach the (theoretically) celibate Ridcully, who canonically already has a thing for witches.
13) 9 (Corny), 15 (Sam), 2 (Hagrid), and 6 (Lestrade) are were-creatures, what is each's creature?
Corny is a were-Jack Russell terrier, all wiry and neurotic and yappy, and he looks funny until he gets his teeth into you, at which point, ow. Sam is a were-moose: enormous and kind of clumsy, but sweet and generally tractable despite his formidable natural defenses, but once angered, slow to calm down. Hagrid would be a were-bear, of course! Enormous and immensely hairy, but basically good-natured despite his fearsome appearance and reputation, but it's still a very, very bad idea to get between him and his cubs. Lestrade’s would be a German Shepherd, I think. Aside from their traditional use as police dogs, I've known a lot of Shepherds, and you won't find a sweeter, politer, more loyal, more officious (for lack of a better word; Sherpherds always seem to think they're On Duty) dog.
14) 3 (Kate), 7 (Emily), and 5 (Cersei) get lost in the jungle. Who faints, who takes charge, and who defends them from the evil version of 8 (Inara)?
Hello again, evil!Inara! Cersei, who isn’t used to physical exertions, extreme temperatures, or really environmental discomfort of any kind, would be the first to faint, but would be violently embarrassed that she had to be carried by the other two. While she’s out, Kate and Emily butt heads a bit over who gets to be in charge, but Kate, who’s both older and more used to a command role, would eventually win out. Kate would also be the best choice to take out evil!Inara, whom she would remind strongly of River in her Broken Bird-ness, dark hair, and, if necessary, willingness to cause grievous bodily harm.
15) 8 (Inara) and 11 (The Doctor) go on a blind date. How does it go?
Politely, but oddly. Inara quickly figures out that the Doctor is much more interested in her shuttle than her boobs, which is kind of a new experience for her. Besides, he’s another person who would remind her of River, which would put a severe damper on any attempts to seduce him. They have plenty to talk about over dinner, and afterwards, she invites him back to Serenity, where he hits it off with River and is secretly, wistfully jealous of the nakama the crew has managed to set up. The two groups keep in touch, and the story of the anti-date where they first met is occasionally brought up as a funny story.
16) 10 (Tosh) enters a talent show. What's the talent and does (s)he win?
Um…gadgeteering, I guess? Tosh hates performing and being the center of attention, so I could see her pulling an Oz and inventing a bunch of automata to go onstage and perform for her.
17) 9 (Corny) confesses to 11 (The Doctor) and 4 (Bilbo) that he has been on a killing spree and is having the time of his life. In fact 9 is now selling his victims' organs on the black market. Will 11 and 4 a) believe 9 and b) try to stop 9 (and how?)
He would probably have been killing faeries, not humans, so this would just come up as a casual thing in conversation, instead of an out-and-out “BWAHAHA STOP ME BEFORE I KILL AGAIN” confession. Both the Doctor and Bilbo have a high degree of respect for sentient life of all kinds, and so would be horrified. They would definitely believe him, given his track record, and the Doctor would hustle him onto the TARDIS pronto and take him to the restful, soothing, and decidedly mundane Shire, where Bilbo calls Gandalf in to help soothe Corny’s tormented, traumatized soul. Gandalf would at first prescribe a visit to the Undying Lands, a place of perfect rest and healing, but somewhere so faerie-like would only freak Corny out worse, so they would eventually hit on the plan of just letting him get some R&R in the Shire, helping plow the fields and hanging out at the Green Dragon and whatnot. This would do the trick, and the Doctor would be called back to return him to Earth, which he would, but he would never be able to truly forgive Corny for taking so many lives, and the trip would be carried out in frosty silence, and Corny would be forever banned from the TARDIS after that, which would be the final thing to really bring home Corny's crime to him as Not A Good Thing, because of course he would be an enormous Whovian, and the Doctor's disapproval would hurt him deeply.
18) 1 (Leia), 5 (Cersei), and 6 (Lestrade) are trapped for hours in a broken lift. When rescue arrives, are they still there, and in what state?
Lestrade and Cersei would be able to wait it out, more or less with equanimity, but Leia would get antsy, fearing a trap of some kind, and shimmy up the cable until she reached a door she could pry and/or blast open.
19) 2 (Hagrid) and 14 (Anathema) are recruited as spies. Do they (a) complete their mission, and (b) get out alive?
Together, yes. Anathema would complete the mission, and Hagrid would get them out alive, but they’d both stick to their areas of expertise, as Hagrid is anything but subtle, and Anathema lacks Hagrid’s formidable physical and magical defenses.
20) 3 (Kate) goes to 13 (Ridcully)'s used vehicle lot to purchase a vehicle. 10 (Tosh) offers unsolicited advice about it. What kind is it, and does 3 get a good deal?
Tosh is better with cybernetics and advanced alien tech than car mechanics, but she goes along anyway to offer what mechanical advice she can. Kate is grateful for this, because she doesn’t know much about cars herself, and is mistrustful of anyone as large and aggressively cheerful as Ridcully. Ridcully isn’t the cheating type, though (at least not when it comes to cars, in which case Kate would probably have a better idea of what to look for than he would), and Kate would probably end up with at least a decent deal.
21) 8 (Inara), 12 (Nanny Ogg), and 7 (Emily) are trapped in a cabin with a pile of board games. What do they play (if any)? Who cheats? Who throws a tantrum when they don't win?
Probably Risk or Stratego or something else tactics-oriented. Nanny would cheat gleefully and more or less openly, because that’s just what she does. Emily would cheat, a bit more ineptly, because that’s how her aviator mentors/friends taught her to play anything. Inara cheats elegantly, subtly, only when absolutely necessary, and wins.
22) 15 (Sam) and 14 (Anathema) steal a spaceship to go rescue 8 (Corny). Where is 8, why is s/he in trouble, and who's in charge on the ship?
Corny has been taken by Little Green Men, who, as Sam well knows, are just another kind of faerie. He takes Anathema with him in case he gets incapacitated and goes into the faeries’ mound, which they’ve glamored to look like a spaceship on the inside. Corny is in trouble for obvious reasons, but Sam and Anathema, armed with a shotgun loaded with iron slugs and an iron poker respectively, manage to effect a pretty good rescue.
23) 7 (Emily) decides to move to another continent. Which continent and why? Is 12 (Nanny Ogg) in favour of it or against it and will s/he try to sabotage the move?
As she’s stuck in Australia at the moment, she wants to move back to England (of course, she’d take Temeraire and Co. with her) to help with the war. Nanny is in favor, because
24) Where would 15 (Sam), 10 (Tosh), and 5 (Cersei) be found in the next James Bond movie? Girl of the hour, sexy geek behind the scenes, getaway driver, something else?
Cersei would definitely be the femme fatale, and Sam and Tosh would be an adorable but tragic pair of geeks who give Bond his gadgets. Sam could double as Bond’s protégé/partner who’s just learning the ropes.
25) 9 (Corny) and 2 (Hagrid) are the top candidates for the same position. What is it, and which one gets the job?
Um…I can’t really think of anything they’d both want to do. Auror, maybe? Hagrid wants to protect the Wizarding world, Corny just wants to kill (preferably) evil supernatural creatures. And Hagrid, with his size, strength, magical resistance, track record, and training, would get the job, as long as nobody particularly bigoted was in charge of hiring.
26) 11 (The Doctor) suffers a mid-life crisis - what vehicle do they buy to cope?
(Oh man, this is just too easy!) Something classic, sturdy, blue, and quasi-sentient with interdimensional warping/time-travelling abilities. And he wouldn’t buy it, he’d just hop in and be off with it, although by its account, it would be off with him.
27) Who would get out of a hedge maze first, 13 (Ridcully) or 6 (Lestrade)?
Ridcully, who would very quickly get bored with the puzzle and just blast his way out, which, as he would say, is a much faster and more direct route than messing around with keeping your right hand on the wall and whatnot. Lestrade would be much slower and more methodical about it, and would secretly look down on Ridcully's pyrotechnics as cheating, and pat himself on the back for a mental job well done when he finds his way out.
28) 1 (Leia) and 3 (Kate) are a team on the latest season of The Amazing Race. How long do they last before they're eliminated, or do they manage to win?
I had to google The Amazing Race to find out what it was, and I’m still a bit shaky on the finer aspects, but I think they’d do okay. They’re both known for being resourceful and quick-thinking (not to mention physically competent), which would count for a lot. I’m not sure whether they would win, although they would definitely place if they didn’t.
29) 4 (Bilbo), 8 (Inara), 13 (Ridcully), and 9 (Corny) are classmates in a Wacky High School AU and have to work together to create a group presentation on the marine biology of the Caribbean for science class. Who's the presenter? Who does the majority of the research? Who puts together the PowerPoint presentation? Who took charge and coordinated everything? And most important, what Wacky Hijinks took place when they were working on the project?
Bilbo originally complains about having to do any work at all, but once he (reluctantly) starts doing some research, he finds himself getting into it and ends up collecting most of the group’s information and enjoying himself immensely.
Inara designs the PowerPoint; something understated and elegant with a cutesy tropical fish opener. She’s miffed that, as the only girl in the group, the guys expect her to bring snacks to all their meetings, soothe everybody’s ruffled feathers, etc. She tells them to damn well bring their own snacks (which horrifies Ridcully, but Bilbo gets Sam to cater), but she does end up dealing with people’s various issues.
Ridcully appoints himself “project manager,” which means that he wouldn’t have to do anything except yell at people when he felt like it. The rest of them would cotton on to this eventually, though, and make him do the presenting, which he would secretly enjoy, and definitely ham up as much as possible.
Corny cannot believe this busywork shit and spends most of his time glowering at everyone else over his laptop, which he’s using to write malignant code with his headphones on. Eventually Inara makes him do *some* work, but he drags his feet and contributes, like, one thing, and then goes back to doing his own research on computer stuff.
30) So it turns out 1 (Leia) accidentally brought about the apocalypse (in whichever form fits). Fortunately, 2 (Hagrid) manages to save the day! How, and how?
I can’t really see Leia doing anything personally, whether on purpose or not, to bring about the apocalypse, so…maybe she made a bad tactical call that allowed the Empire to win a crucial battle? Everyone else is dead/captured/too far away to get there in time, so Hagrid has to take out their command structure. He has the dual advantages of A) basically being a small army all on his own, and B) intrinsic magic, which, if we go by Harry Potter/Dresden rules, foxes up advanced technology, such as that which the Empire requires to function. He could probably manage a basic Shield Charm, and could certainly handle quite a few Stormtroopers in hand-to-hand combat, so he could pretty much just charge in and start bludgeoning with blinking lights on it until it stops working. Also, his affinity for dangerous animals would be a bonus, as he would probably have the local fauna on his side a lá Avatar.
31) 12 (Nanny Ogg), 10 (Tosh), 3 (Kate), 11 (The Doctor), and 14 (Anathema) need to pass as the opposite gender. Who ends up looking most convincing?
Tosh (who has all kinds of illusion-generating tech at her disposal) would definitely pass the best. Nanny would have trouble hiding her natural assets, as would the Doctor with that big square chin of his. Kate and Anathema would probably do okay, because they’re both at least a little used to disguises, but not great, because they both have rather feminine faces.
32) 15 (Sam) has royally screwed up 6 (Lestrade)'s rescue plans in extracting 5 (Cersei) from trouble. What's the one (non-sexual) thing 15 can do (besides apologize) to make it up to both?
33) 7 (Emily) and 4 (Bilbo) have hijacked a bus and are on the run from the law -- what did they do? Where are they going? Why a bus? And how is 1 (Leia) involved?
Smaug allied himself with the Admiralty in exchange for more treasure, and is keeping Temeraire penned up while the Admiralty decides to go through with executing Laurence. Emily stole a bus through the same interdimensonal portal that’s connecting Middle-Earth, the Temeraire-verse, the Star Wars-verse (apparently), and modern-day Earth (why not?) to use as a battering ram in an attempt to rescue Laurence. Bilbo snuck through the portal to see what Smaug is up to, and stop him if necessary, and volunteered to join Emily, since, hey, after going down a river in a barrel, ramming a bus into a building isn’t that big a deal. Leia has been trying to secure Laurence’s release via diplomatic channels, happened to be in the building when Emily and Bilbo rammed it, and had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with the fact that the jailer’s keys disappeared in the confusion, and Laurence was seen running around free shortly thereafter.
34) 5 (Cersei) and 12 (Nanny Ogg) are playing a prank on 14 (Anathema). What is it and what are the potential ways it could go very, very wrong?
Nanny likes Anathema, but thinks that Cersei needs taking down a peg or two and decides to prank her instead. Nanny is probably a world-class prankster, whereas I decidedly am not, so I can’t imagine what she would come up with, but it would be something awesome, but comparatively gentle, as Nanny recognizes in Cersei a kindred spirit fiercely protective of her children, even if Cersei is much more of an overt bitch about it.
35) 11 (The Doctor) and 13 (Ridcully) have a business venture - a very, very unusual business venture. 9 (Corny) doesn't think it will work (why not)? 8 (Inara) and 10 (Tosh) team up to undermine the business venture, and it's up to 15 (Sam) to stop them. How does it all shake out?
The Doctor and Ridcully open an interdimensional restaurant, serving gourmet food from all over the multiverse. Corny thinks that their proposed menu is either too weird or not weird enough, and will fail to attract many customers. Tosh discovers that holding open the interdimensional portal necessary to procure all the necessary food, or at least ingredients, is putting too much stress on the surrounding fabric of reality, and is threatening to create a Rift. The Doctor and Ridcully won’t listen to her, though, and Tosh doesn’t have much of a head for business, so she goes to savvy businesswoman Inara for some help in putting them out of business to save them from themselves. Inara starts spreading rumors to all her high-class patrons, which starts to draw business away from the restaurant. Dean ate there, though, and loved it, as his tastes run along the same lines as Ridcully’s, so he asks Sam to help him help the owners keep the restaurant open. Eventually Tosh manages to get through to Sam, who gets through to Dean, who convinces Ridcully (with whom he would have swiftly become BFFs) to close the portal. By this time, signs of interdimensional stress would have begun to show, so the Doctor finally listens, and they close up shop and everyone goes back to their lives.
36) 3 (Kate) has decided, as an economy measure, to sell something. What is it, and who buys it? What happens when they do?
Um…superhero insurance, or something? It’s canon that Kate is basically bankrolling the Young Avengers via her extremely oblivious father, who has his finger in all sorts of pies. Maybe she could sell or some of his excess real estate. Or perhaps, if she pursues her dream of being a designer and makes it big in the fashion world, she could start up an exclusive line of superhero-inspired clothes for both men and women? Yeah, that sounds about right.
37) 4 (Bilbo), 2 (Hagrid), and 6 (Lestrade) move to NYC to pursue their dream jobs and share a teeny tiny apartment. What sort of careers are they looking for?
Bilbo wants to be a writer or a journalist or something, collecting obscure bits of folklore/history/geography/genealogy/whatever he can get his hands on, and spends most of his time in small, insular neighborhoods interviewing the old folks. Hagrid wants to find and tame the famous New York sewer alligators. Lestrade has asked for a transfer to the NYPD to hopefully get away from a certain insufferable consulting detective.
38) 7 (Emily), 15 (Sam), 10 (Tosh), and 12 (Nanny Ogg) walk into a bar. Who buys drinks for whom?
Sam, trying to be a gentleman, buys drinks for Tosh and Nanny, but not Emily, who’s underage. Nanny buys drinks for her anyway, on the theory that if she’s old enough to potentially die for her country, she’s old enough to have a pint of two.
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Date: 2012-02-12 09:25 am (UTC)I ask this, because, as you know, I'm a confusing plot kind of person. Of course I hope that people will forgive me and stick it out to the end, but I have no way of knowing how many people just threw up their hands in frustration and disappeared.
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Date: 2012-02-12 09:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-12 09:27 pm (UTC)Bilbo as the next Dark Lord is actually rather an interesting proposition! (And, yeah, I think a Bilbo who embraces the darkness of the One Ring is no match for Hagrid, et al
When the Ridcully/Nanny question came up (lol, what are the odds! well, actually, 1 in 210), I wondered if Nanny knows about Ridcully's thing with Esme back when they were young, and if it would be in any way a deterrent if she does.
Love the idea of Corny as a were-Jack Russell, heh, and Hagrid as a were-bear makes perfect sense, of course.
Evil!Inara and the general inclusion of Cersei, plus all of the questions that had Inara and Cersei together made for some really interesting situations! And I like your reasoning for why Inara would choose to be eaten rather than resort to cannibalism.
Nanny would cheat gleefully and more or less openly, because that’s just what she does. Emily would cheat, a bit more ineptly, because that’s how her aviator mentors/friends taught her to play anything. Inara cheats elegantly, subtly, only when absolutely necessary, and wins.
I love this answer and everything about it! XDDD
And although all I know of Doctor Who I've learned by fandom osmosis from my flist, I was still able to appreciate the answer to #26 :)
Ridcully appoints himself “project manager,” which means that he wouldn’t have to do anything except yell at people when he felt like it. The rest of them would cotton on to this eventually, though, and make him do the presenting, which he would secretly enjoy, and definitely ham up as much as possible.
Perfect! The whole Wacky High School AU situation was, but Ridcully's part in it was my favorite.
And Bilbo being a feature journalist in NYC while Hagrid tries to bond with the sewer alligators made me LOL.
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Date: 2012-02-13 07:14 am (UTC)Hmm, I hadn't thought of that! I guess that she would try to be a bit more discrete than usual, in deference to the feelings that Granny ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY DOES NOT HAVE, but would still go for it. And, hey 1 in 210 is still pretty long odds!
Evil!Inara and the general inclusion of Cersei, plus all of the questions that had Inara and Cersei together made for some really interesting situations!
Yeah, this led to some interesting places! I was glad that Cersei and Inara (especially evil!Inara) got thrown together so many times because of all the interesting similarities between them.
And TBH, my answer re: Inara and cannibalism was strongly influenced by your answer re: Jayne and same. It just makes sense that cannibalism would be something that everyone in the Firefly-verse has a very strong taboo against.
I love this answer and everything about it! XDDD
Me, too! This was actually a really great group to get for this question, because they would all be more or less okay with each other's cheating (although Inara might roll her eyes a bit at Nanny's lack of subtlety), and would just generally have a great time with it and each other.
The whole Wacky High School AU situation was, but Ridcully's part in it was my favorite.
Thanks! ^.^ I normally dislike high school AUs, so I was surprised at how much fun I had doing this one!